I am so fucked
Same, bud. Same.
His 5 year plan is MJ.
On Reddit there was a thread along the lines of “Millennials, what’s your retirement plans?” and the thread was locked with a message from a mod saying they had to shut the thread down because of all of the comments about suicide.
Quite frankly, I get it.
So much of it is just Boomers passing the buck with a “personal responsibility” trope that doesn’t pan out for anyone with even a modicum of misfortune. What are your real options?
Age 10: Be in the top of your class. All of you. Everyone needs to be in the top 10% or you’re not allowed to go to a good high school / college
Age 15: Have a job, but also dedicate all your time to studying, so you can save up to go to a good college. Also, don’t let your grades slip, even a little, because you all need to be in the top 10%.
Age 20: Don’t take on any college debt. But go to a good school. But also hold down a part time job. But studying is a full time job, so make sure you’re getting As in all your classes. But take challenging classes, because no employer wants to see a bunch of fluff on your resume. But also join lots of clubs so you don’t look boring. And make sure you find a partner, so you can start spitting out babies before you turn 30!
Age 25: Get an upwardly mobile job! Maybe even two jobs! And don’t you fucking dare live with your parents, you loser. Have a career and a partner and don’t forget your network is your networth, so make sure you do lots of socializing. But don’t get into debt! Just own a car and live in a nice apartment and go on lots of dates and earn lots of money and DON’T SPEND ANY OF IT WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!
Age 30: Did you invest your savings? Pull out! Pull out! The current investments are all scams! You should do this other thing that’s much more lucrative instead. Real estate is a scam, do stocks! Stocks are a scam, do crypto! Crypto’s a scam, start your own business! Businesses regularly fail, what were you thinking?! You’re a homeowner now, right? Because real estate is about to go up astronomically.
Age 35: Oh boy, hope you didn’t experience any amount of burnout, because this is the most critical point in your life for career growth. You’re already married and own a home and have at least six figures in the bank and own a car and have at least two kids by now, right? Because that’s what your employers are going to want to see before they give you a promotion.
Age 40: How’s it going, buddy? Ready for retirement yet?
Buy a small plot of undeveloped land in a swamp -> buy a pot -> cook soup in the pot -> repeat step 3 until dead
Ambitious I know, but it’s important to have goals.
