Oh the concept of having control over anything is equally as existentially terrifying as it is liberating so I’m not sure how helpful that is in making me experiment and create things I’m proud to have made exist.

I don’t mind drudgery though. I’ve done real life construction work, I love legos, before I had internet I dug a hole in the backyard just to see how deep a hole I could dig. Progress being made is the goal sure but that doesn’t make me shy away from the boring and frustrating parts. It’s just that when it comes to decorating my apartment, cleaning my room, doing dishes, mowing lawns, whatever, I just can’t find myself getting started in the first place rather than giving up partway through.

Welcome to welcoming me to Lemmy! Oh I don’t make schedules or chart plans, not because I don’t enjoy it but because I feel like I’ve failed if I don’t stick to the plans to the letter. Instead I decide what I’m going to do and only start the preplaning and planing when I’m at the activity. It works out great for simulators because I work on sections and with the way upgrade trees work better equipment gets unlocked and sometimes that equipment interferes with the already established plan and I have to redo work, so it saves me on work doing to only plan in small portions and is therefore more efficient. Still when it comes to doing a thing it’s largely unhelpful because I tend to spend too long not starting and then I get distracted and because I wasn’t writing things down I’m working on incomplete information once I refocus.