“No.”

Crisis averted, can get back to fixing things now. The only way you’re getting me on the phone is if there’s some audio component to the problem (alarm buzzers or tones they aren’t able to identify) that isn’t easy to explain in text. Other than that, there are usually just a handful of common issues and you can tell which path we’re going down after a sentence or two of their description.

Boy, you sure did get 'em. No pointing out bad behavior unless your history is unblemished, I guess.

…when you see an actor snorting something up their nose is a powered [sic] called inositol…

Proofreading hard.

I’d watch this Red Dawn reboot.

A tank full of sharks and gloves that dispense a sticky concentrated chum mixture with each hit. Get a couple good body blows in, knock them into the water, let nature (+/-) take its course.

Hot-glue some of the holes so they each play a different chord. Maybe some kind of flexible barrier in front could redirect airflow until the vehicle picks up speed so some or all will stay quiet initially.

It’s okay, they’re using that special load-bearing drywall.

Cope cord.

All 10 of course. Rather keep it discreet though, don’t want anybody asking awkward questions about why I carry around bags of fingers, whose fingers they are, that sort of thing.

Anything’s a wire if you piss off the pixies badly enough.

Going from shampoo to ram poo.

I’m not 100% certain but this looks like one of those cases where a commenter jokingly says that they feel personally attacked but mean that they agree with what was said. Playing at oversensitivity for comedic effect.

No.

They were pioneers of the “is he stupid?” meme. Sorry you had to find out this way though.

Spontaneous carcinization at this time of year, that time of day, in that part of Japan, localized entirely within their luggage?

Can’t I just have eternal damnation instead? Sacre bleu!

The other list of sexually active popes (and other associated clergy) who have “had children” is stashed away in the Vatican somewhere.

Probably start eating brains. Too close to a major population center to think I’d get out and away without being bitten at least once or twice.

cactus cock

Cocktus.

Shoelace foreskins.