Can’t catch a break

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Joined 9 months ago
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Cake day: October 12th, 2023

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  • I’m a lesbian and my partner is also partially disabled. She manages her conditions but as far as we know, it’s as good as it will get. (I have chronic issues too but I am typically mobile.)

    We like to game together. We watch movies together. She also games with her friends and I go out and do other more physically demanding activities with my own friends. We like to discover new food and talk about politics.

    We found that our sense of humor and morality aligns well and we enjoy each other’s company. That and the fact that she was independent drew me to her.

    Good luck out there.


  • The sound is bad enough but with properly constructed walls, it’s not a problem.

    I have other problems with shared walls. Your neighbors have cockroaches? Now you do too! Bedbugs? Yep those can come on in too. If you live in an apartment, then you bet the landlord will cheap out and not do as effective treatments. You think being clean and not keeping things in cardboard will stop them? Maybe temporarily but they’re just waiting to come back out from the walls where they weren’t treated. Joy!

    The other thing is that if your neighbor smokes cigarettes inside, then you get some bonus secondhand smoke. If you have bad reactions even with allergy medications and HEPA filters, well I guess it’s time for you to move or suffer. (You didn’t want to use your PTO on anything not sick days right?)

    Did your neighbors have a plumbing problem that they neglected? Congratulations on your new mold in your shared walls. (You wanted to call code enforcement on your landlord about this? Good luck, they won’t enforce it.)

    I’m sure there are real solutions to my above problems but my reality is that the only solution is to move when it’s too much to bear. (Haven’t lived in one place for more than 2 years because of it…)


  • Getting a BS in Computer Science was huge towards my success. I had to work while in college due to lack of funds. My job as a programmer paid very little before I got my degree. Even with years of experience, I had a hard time getting a dev job with an employer that paid better without my degree. With the degree, it was significantly easier.

    I’ve heard of stories of folks that “made it” in dev without a degree. I did not have the charisma or whatever other skill they had to do it…

    I will say I have quite a few student loans because my scholarships weren’t enough (I was an average student at best) and my family made a lot of money but didn’t help me so I didn’t get other aid I would have normally qualified for. For me, my very well paying job outweighs the student loan payment. My gamble paid off. (It was a fairly safe gamble, but one can never really know in the uncertainty of life.)

    However, even in the last few years school has gone up in price A LOT so that may change the calculations for future folks.


  • How fulfilled is your life without a romantic partner? Do you know what you want?

    The worst partners I had were the ones that had nothing going on. No goals, no hobbies, nothing. They expected me to be their world.

    The better relationships I had were with people that knew what they wanted from life. They didn’t need me to complete them, but I was definitely a welcome addition.

    I do not believe I am conventionally attractive, but there are people that like me. For every fella that only dates skinny blondes, there’s another that wouldn’t give them a second look. Additionally, if someone really likes you for you, you might just get more physically attractive to them even if you’re not their type. (It has happened to me!)

    As for money, yes some people will only look at you if you have a lot of money. At least they filter themselves out if you don’t have it. You don’t have to be perfect with money, but as long as you are reasonable enough with money, you should be fine.

    Some low self-esteem is workable, but if you are always ragging on yourself it gets grating. I was with this guy and he kept telling me how ugly he was. I would always reassure him. It was exhausting after a while. I think everyone needs validation every now and again, but constantly?! Ahhh!

    If you get this stuff down, at least then you will have better chances with women. (Or whatever gender you prefer.) If your only goal is to get a girlfriend, then that is not so great. If it’s only one of your goals or something you’re passively open to, then you are in a much better position. Relationship opportunities, romantic or not, seem to crop up when you’re doing something else you enjoy.








  • What would have made you feel better? My guess is that you would have been happy if the other person wasn’t upset with what you said and didn’t disagree with you, right? Do you think if you were able to explain yourself, then the other person would have understood you and not disagreed with you?

    It’s likely that would have not been the case. There is a very good chance that they still would have disagreed with you even after elaboration. And you know what? It’s not your fault.

    You will have a large set of views about different facets of life. Even if they were all the most sane, rational views, many people will disagree with them. (And in different combinations. You may have Andy agree with you on X, Y, and Z but disagree on Q, R, and S. Brad may think you’re right with X, R, and S but disagree on the rest.)

    It is inevitable. So, what is someone to do?

    First, is it something that matters? If it’s something like an opinion of which celebrity has the best smile, remind yourself it doesn’t matter.

    But if it’s something that does matter? Make sure you educate yourself. Accept evidence to the contrary to what you believe (from reliable sources). Keep an open mind. Accept input. Be aware of your own bias. If you need to update your own viewpoint because you found out you were wrong… Then do it! Yes, it sucks that you were wrong. But it’s better to have been wrong then correct yourself than to stay wrong. This is important… If you’re wrong, act the way you would want the other person to act if they were wrong. (You will make the world a better place doing this.)

    Now, does this person still not agree with you (and you updated your own viewpoint based on facts)? Can you change their mind? Probably not. Is this a failing on your part? No. You can’t control other people, just like they can’t control you. But you can control yourself.

    Being told we’re wrong sucks. But if you do not have sufficient evidence that you are wrong, then you should be confident in what you think. Instead of framing this scenario as “this person disagrees with me,” frame it as “I disagree with this person.” With time and practice, you will more easily move to “I disagree with this person, and I am ok with it.”

    One last note. If it’s something that is very important to you, make sure to do what you can to make the change you want to see in the world. If you were very concerned about pollution for instance, do things like trash tag, buying less stuff, and advocating for your cause. This specific person may not help, but you can still live your life as a reflection of your own values to the best of your ability and maybe even collaborate with others as well.

    I hope this helps.



  • No. These are printed plastic advertisements delivered via the postal service. (Other companies might purchase small mini catalogs/coupon books, colorful envelopes, or eye-catching postcards for their mail-based advertisements.) These mailers are sent to many people. Most people refer to these mailers as “junk mail.”

    Spectrum is very bad about sending lots of these, as OP has shared.




  • I used to be homeless. (I am doing significantly better now though. Hard work and luck.)

    I did actually have a job, it just didn’t pay enough to get me a place to live at the time. I was too ashamed to beg for money, but I did occasionally hang around restaurants and ask people for food. (So much shame because I had so many peers with family that helped them and they would look down on me for “failing to launch.”)

    Why didn’t I go to a food bank? Because the bus system sucked and I couldn’t get everywhere I needed in the amount of time I had in the day. Additionally, I had no kitchen. No place to prepare food that isn’t ready made. The shelter did not allow me to store food.

    Government help and charities were definitely not enough, but it did help. A lot of people in charity were good people, but there were quite a few that were just plain nasty. At the shelter, I would get yelled at for following their rules and asking for my phone that they held at the front desk so I could get to my job for instance.

    It does not feel good when your family lets you down, your community lets you down, the government lets you down, and even the people that are supposed to fill in the gaps lets you down. Really makes you think that you are undeserving.

    You are right that some homeless people have a hard time finding a job. A lot of places will discriminate against you if you do not have a permanent address (and some will even look for addresses of shelters). If you went to jail, a lot of places won’t consider hiring you. And if course wages are just really low compared to cost of living.

    Yes, it is ok to feel bad for those people that don’t have what you have. That is human. Yes, some of them may have made some bad choices and some of them might not need the help. But a lot of those people are just victims of an uncaring system. If you do not help them (which is fine, it is not always possible), at least treat them with dignity. Being treated like a worthy person, rather than a second class citizen, means a lot to someone who society let down.