My wife doesn’t like to be called madame, so I can her mad man. She actually prefers it.

I finally tried licking one recently, and it didn’t taste like anything

Me the second I read this: FUCK. THAT. 😠

The last lending library I saw had some religious discs placed inside them. Expected them to be of the usual Christian variety. Oddly enough, it was actually of some rabbi.

I was under the impression that Judaism wasn’t about proselytising. 🤷

Sounds like this brand name needs a new start.

A NEW START… Hmm…

I got it!

ANUSTART!

Just before the pandemic, I was at a restaurant. A couple was sitting next to me.

Woman: (Says something about Fiona)

Man: Who’s Fiona?

Woman: (Shocked, disgusted face) You don’t KNOW Fiona???

I bet she broke up with him on the spot.

Me at the grocery store yesterday: “These cookies look delicious! And they’re 90% off!”

Wife: “Those are lactation cookies…”

Me: “I didn’t know that was a thing… They still look good though…”

That, or you’d get crushed alive since the car wasn’t designed to actually protect you…

https://youtu.be/C_r5UJrxcck

People like this drive me crazy.

Years ago, a family member (who was on my mobile phone family account) was getting charged monthly for some mobile game. I would point it out every month, and they were like “Yeah…I need to cancel that…”

It took over a year for them to get around to canceling it.

All that fancy hardware in the pro, and only a handful of games will actually be “enhanced”. Otherwise, it “may stabilize or improve the performance of supported PS4 and PS5 games.”

Seems kind of a waste to me.

LaRosa’s Pizza for me!

I went to an all-boys Catholic highschool. I had a teacher that was a Christian Brother. One day he had an argument with a classmate over how effective condoms were. He basically argued that condoms don’t work. (Even arguing that a Ziploc bag couldn’t keep semen from escaping.)

This teacher was pretty popular because he was a character, who’d sometimes make crude jokes.

After graduating, some friends and a I ran into him at a mall. He asked us “What are you guys up to? Picking up little girls?”

We laughed it off thinking he was still his same old jovial self.

Not long after, I heard that this same teacher had been arrested for being involved with minors. His “joke” that day seemed like some major projection.

Sign language for I love you?

We have a 2012 Ford Fiesta that we call “Siesta”. That car sucks a good amount. Been meaning to get rid of it for years now.

One star off because the doctor is the one who hit them with a Mercedes

I eat a spoonful of peanut butter on a daily basis. It’s the best.

Me reading the headline: “🙄 Who isn’t making a mechanical keyboard these days…”

Me after looking at the pictures: “I…might want that…”