21F…
I went through a breakup in April—something I posted about a lot. My ex and I were in a long-distance relationship, so we saw each other occasionally. To be honest, I never cared much about the physical side of things. What mattered to me was the deep emotional connection we shared. While intimacy was nice, it wasn’t constantly on my mind.
After the breakup, we stayed friends for a while, but about a week and a half ago, we decided to cut off contact entirely and move on. It was my decision because I couldn’t handle the pain of feeling ignored anymore—I realized that letting go was the best option.
Since April, I cried almost constantly, but to my surprise, I haven’t shed a tear in the past week. Part of me feels guilty—like I should still be grieving—but I suspect I did most of my mourning during the months when we were still friends. Now, I just feel empty.
This is where things get complicated. My emotions feel numb, my heart feels distant, and I can’t even bring myself to cry anymore, no matter how much I try. I always feared this would happen. When my ex before this one broke up with me, I shut down emotionally, and now I feel like it’s happening again.
About a week ago, I decided to distract myself by hanging out with someone new. When he kissed me, I kissed him back—but as things escalated, I suddenly broke down in tears and left. Since then, we’ve continued seeing each other, but only for physical intimacy. At first, I felt guilty, but now I don’t. Instead, I find myself craving that feeling daily, and I worry I’m getting too attached.
He’s honestly kind of a jerk, but since I’ve already gone down this road, I don’t feel like starting over with someone else. He’s also emotionally detached and a little toxic—he wouldn’t even give me his Instagram. I thought that would bother me, but now that we’re on the same page, his personal life doesn’t seem to matter much.
Still, I feel like I’m stuck in this void where I just want to feel wanted. It’s confusing—I hate that I need this validation, yet I love the satisfaction it brings. At the same time, I deeply crave real emotional intimacy, but I fear I won’t experience that again for years.
The last thing I want is for this rebound situation to start messing with my emotions. He thinks I’ve caught feelings for him, but I haven’t—at least, not in the way he assumes
As a stoned person in their 30s, I have no idea what to say here. I guess I’ll try:
OP, I think you’re just doing what 21 year old kids do. You’re experiencing life and grieving a break-up. If you like banging this douche-bro and you’re safe, then I say keep doing it as long as you’re getting what you want. As soon as you’re not, break it off. And if you ever feel unsafe then end it immediately.
You’ll get over you’re ex and move on and have other relationships. Nothing you’re saying here sounds out of the ordinary or surprising. You’ll be aight. Just make sure you’re not using sex as a coping mechanism and maybe take some time to chill and just be single. See some friends. Play some games. Eat some fancy food. Just chill and re-evaluate things when you feel better.
Edit: Just checked OP’s post history. OP, you are absolutely not chillin right now. You gotta chill.
See that’s the issue… how do I know if I’m using sex as a coping mechanism or not? I stopped grieving the breakup as soon as I saw this other guy. We didn’t have sex the first time though but I was already like getting it off my mind so idk. But now I’m addicted to sex. Lol. And you’re right, I don’t feel at harm with this guy, maybe he’s an asshole but tbh idc, i mean, the sex is good lol. I’m giving him same energy tho so I guess im chilling
Well are you using sex to feel better about things that are upsetting? Like people who are addicted to nicotine will immediately think of that the second they get bad news or feel anxious. It’s the first thing that comes to mind to use to immediately feel better. Do you feel that way but with sex? If not then you’re probably okay.
Not necessarily. I’m not using sex as a pain coping mechanism like for my grief of my relationship. But I think it’s just I enjoy it so much that I want it everyday? I hope I don’t sound dumb right now but yeah, I just crave it too much I guess. Like I’ll get upset if like I don’t get it, that is probably what is bad.
Yea. That sounds like it’s getting unhealthy. You might wanna take a break on that. I’m not a therapist but i think the criteria for an addiction is something like:
is it impacting your daily life if you can’t have it?
is it causing issues with personal relationships?
is it causing health issues?
Well not necessarily, like today I wanted it but I can’t but I feel fine with that. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have sex much before in my relationship that now I have this urgency to fill it all in. And no, I have friendships with people just fine and even some guys my friends boyfriend brings and it’s fine, I don’t want to do anything with them obviously. And no no health issues other than being horny allot