• Banshee@midwest.social
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    18 days ago

    I’m white, and married to a black woman. Gotta say, this is pretty accurate. Add shitty service from wait staff when the white person a table over gets regular checkups, and doctors not taking anything she says seriously, even when her symptoms are obvious. And people being rude to her when she asks a question, but nice to me when I ask them the same question a moment later.

    It’s one thing to know, in abstract, that racism exists. But experiencing it through what my wife goes through on a daily basis has really opened my eyes. It feels like we exist in 2 separate worlds when we’re not out together.

    • KoboldCoterie@pawb.social
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      18 days ago

      doctors not taking anything she says seriously, even when her symptoms are obvious

      I’m married to a white woman, and she also experiences this, so this might be a gender discrimination problem, rather than (or in addition to) a racial discrimination problem, sadly.

      • gravityowl@lemm.ee
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        18 days ago

        I think it’s both. It probably starts with gender discrimination (as the medical field highly favors men. Look at the differences in how we are taught about heart attacks for men and women for example) but then on top of that, it adds the racial discrimination.

        Black women (and especially queer black women) are among the most discriminated groups sadly

        • dexa_scantron@lemmy.world
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          18 days ago

          That’s why the term “misogynoir” exists. It’s both, and they pile on and increase each other.

          • gravityowl@lemm.ee
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            18 days ago

            Absolutely. I was thinking specifically about intersectionality when I wrote that, but misogynoir also applies.

            I didn’t want to simply write “that’s intersectionality” and leave though, that’s why I wrote about a more practical example instead

            • tetris11@lemmy.world
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              12 days ago

              misogynoir

              I’m trying to work what kind of film genre that would be.

              Probably a mix between 1950s film noir (read: well-dressed white men in fedoras slapping hysterical dames) and 1970s blaxploitation film (read: well-dressed black pimps in capes slapping back-talking street workers).

              The fusion of tropes probably means that the women depicted are either given cartoonish-level plot armour to endure the abuse, or, more darkly, never make it past the first scene.

      • thejml@lemm.ee
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        18 days ago

        Same here. Even women doctors have been shitty to my white wife over things that should be obvious or at least taken seriously.

        I can only imagine black women have it worse and that makes me pretty furious considering what I’ve already seen.

      • V4sh3r@lemmy.world
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        18 days ago

        Older doctors were literally taught that black women have a higher pain tolerance. This in part originated from an early gynecologist doing experiments on black women slaves without bothering to give them any anesthetics. His justification for it was basically that they could handle the pain, and there are doctors practicing medicine today that still belive it.

          • meowMix2525@lemm.ee
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            18 days ago

            You might actually look into how long that was taught and pervaded into medical attitudes, how little women’s anatomy has been studied compared to men’s, and assumptions made about care for black people and women compared to white people and men, respectively, before making comments like this.

            I don’t have the time to look it up for you, but I will recommend the book Bonk by Mary Roach for the anatomy stuff. You will be very surprised.

          • nomous@lemmy.world
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            17 days ago

            It’s fun when people reveal they don’t know how actual education and science works. They must think we just reinvent the wheel every time a kid decides to be a doctor or something.

      • cm0002@lemmy.world
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        18 days ago

        Yea, that part is a gender discrimination issue, some doctors will refuse to even tie a woman’s tubes if they’re “too young” saying shit like “What will your future husband think” and if they are married already even saying shit like “You’ll need your husband’s permission/need to be present”

        It’s disgusting.

      • SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz
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        18 days ago

        Yep.

        Being a woman trying to get your medical concerns taken seriously is hell.

        Can’t imagine how awful it would be to stack “not white” on top of that, too.

      • ℍ𝕂-𝟞𝟝@sopuli.xyz
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        18 days ago

        We’re both Eastern Europeans in Western Europe, so not visible minorities until we open our mouths.

        We were recently house hunting, and my wife is the sole earner.

        I can’t count how many times we had to explain that, or how many times we were disadvantaged against people with the opposite situation. When we applied for a joint bank account with both of us working, guess whose name they put on the account. Or try getting hired without getting asked about your family situation. For her, it always comes up in “small talk” in interviews, very obliquely of course. For me, maybe six months to one year into the job.

        On the other hand, she opens the street door every time there’s a heavy delivery, as they don’t try to have her carry heavy cargo to our apartment like they do to me, despite it being paid for.

      • It does depend on gender, but also on race. Even many of the medical procedures are inherently racist, since they were developed mostly with white men in mind. Especially anything that calls for visual checks can be very biased.

    • Droggelbecher@lemmy.world
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      18 days ago

      To add: some of the comics, as well as your, examples are good examples of intersectional discrimination. To take a particular one: the doctors-not-taking-you-as-seriously thing happens to all women. But it’s much worse for black women in particular. And it’s also not as bad for black men as it is for black women.* So, that’s an issue she’s facing in this severity because she’s black AND a woman. There are many such intersectional issues, and it’s important to acknowledge and work against them. Anything related to children is similar.

      • I remember that from a statistic, I’ll try to look it up if anyone would like me to
    • ayyy@sh.itjust.works
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      18 days ago

      It bothers me endlessly that people who advocate for keeping the tipping system are directly asking to perpetuate racism. Many of them don’t even know thats what they’re doing, but I’m slowly learning that most people (including minorities) actually like systemic racism.