DISCLAIMER - I am not planning on fighting a pelican.
there’s a brown pelican that hangs out on the railing of a very narrow portion of a boardwalk nearby. the only reason it makes me nervous is because it’s huge, but their nails look short, and their beaks are pointed, but curved downwards so they would have to try to bite me with that long thing instead of pecking me.
like, if a bird capable of clawing or eating my eyes out attacked my face, I’d honestly have no qualms about killing it immediately. but if I ever get attacked by a pelican, it looks like I could just kind of hold it off without having to hurt it. am I right in that?
you’re a great ape somewhere between 150 and 300 lbs. It’s a 15 pound bird. I’m sorry but this is embarrassing.
As a Canadian, have you ever met a Canada goose?
I feel you OP.
Also, telling someone they should be embarrassed because they are afraid or don’t want to fight is toxic, although I guess maybe you are joking?
well hold on, a Canada goose can get up to 14 lb easily, the brown pelican tops out at 6.9 lb, and doesn’t have a cobra neck so your only options aren’t attack the head & neck or do nothing.
like if there’s a group of kids around, I’d rather they go home with a story about how I got beaten up by a goose then the trauma of the memory of a pudgy middle-aged man smashing a goose’s head in front of them. I remember when I was like five and Animal Control had to come to my school and shoot a raccoon because they thought it had rabies, I got pretty emotional about that. heck, here I am talking about it more than 30 years later.
plus if anybody records it, no matter how much anybody acknowledges they don’t want to be bitten by a goose, I’m still going to be branded a heartless goose killer and probably doxxed. there’s a lot at play here
I’m not sure you meant to reply to me? I was just tryin to stick up for you against Johnny No-Posts.
I never advocated Bird Violence; I am Friend to Bird and had three bestie Steller’s Jays during the lockdown. They visited multiple times a day for nuts, and would wait for me on the patio.
oh, I wasn’t trying to be dickish about it, but I was pointing out that fighting a Canada goose is much different than fighting a pelican. a pelican, there seem to be multiple ways to hold it off without really hurting it, with a goose, the way they attack you can really only go for the head or neck which probably means you’re going to kill it.
I was very high at the time so the rest is pretty much rambling.
Ahh ok, clearly I need more weed!
I usually try to slip around geese, and if that fails I book it.
no, it’s literally embarrassing. But I’m from western canada, we worry about being attacked by bear not fucking chickens. People scared of fucking birds are determining federal gun laws, apparently. fucking pathetic.
I’m also from Fucktrudeauistan. Canadians older than 12 scared of geese are even more embarrassing than this question.
I’m a mediocre ape at best.
Bears will run from dogs knowing that the fight could leave them horribly maimed.
I’d run from the goose knowing that the fight would leave me horribly ashamed and embarrassed, and possibly maimed.
Unless they’re hungry.
Source: bear ate a dog near a cabin I was lodging at some years back. Hungry bears don’t give a fuck.
Geese in general also don’t give a fuck. Also, they don’t fight fair. Remember to protect your gonads.
Go try to eff with a goose if you think you’re so tough.
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Imagine being so insulated you believe the cobra chicken bullshit.
oh look, Johnny No-Posts has an opinion on somebody’s question in the No Stupid Questions community. I don’t go to the Pinochet fan groups and tell you that you can’t make helicopter memes, learn some basic internet etiquette.
“Johnny No-Posts” lmao
God forbid anyone ever sign up for a new to them content aggregation site. What else are you scared of? Squirrels? Rabbits? Ducks?
I’m suggesting that you try contributing to a community before being an asshole in it. the first rule that will help you there is reading the name of a community before being a dickwad.
I’m scared of needlessly hurting animals. I couldn’t have made that more plain. this isn’t reddit, you don’t just wade in insulting people over things you have no understanding of.
Somebody doesn’t understand. It’s you, though.