I don’t think I would have been able to avoid any diagnosis as a kid. It was noticed that I was different in preschool (both by the preschool and others, including my parents). The school system flagged me as being different in kindergarten and in first grade started testing me and providing some special classes such as speech end classes on emotions. I also received OT later on in elementary school and had a Teacher’s aid assigned to me for a few years. I also don’t think I would have done well at all without extra supports, but I don’t think all of them were necessary or helpful and some, especially combined with being partly mainstreamed were more harmful, especially given that my main difficulties were with social interactions. My official diagnosis were not the only reason for my experience though. My brother shares my main two official diagnosis (ADHD and Dyslexia). My brother never had to ride a short bus and he attended the same schools as the neighbor kids throughout his schooling. It was also just assumed hat he would go to a 4 year university and he was assisted in applying schools and had is tuition, board, and living expenses all paid for by my parents for undergrad and grad school. I had to work part time while going to community college.
I have other diagnosis such as Dysgraphia and the public charter SPED school I was sent to for a couple years also “diagnosed” me with “Executive Functioning Disorder”, but there was always this understanding that there was more that was not officially diagnosed. I am honestly surprised that I didn’t get officially diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Condition such as Asperger’s or PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) as a child, nor was I ever tested. I started suspecting Asperger’s when I was in my early-mid teens and the last psychiatrist that I was taken to towards the end of highschool said that he thought I have Asperger’s and should be assessed, but my mom shot that down immediately. I brought it up to her another time and she said, “that’s ridiculous, you have no trouble talking”, which apart from the fact that that was specifically not a criteria for Asperger’s, I actually did have and still do have some trouble with speech to the point that I even had speech therapy as a kid.
I think of the main reasons I didn’t get an Autism type diagnosis is because at that time it was only Autism or ADHD, you could not officially have both. They seemed to want to try to medicate me to normalcy. I was put on every ADHD med that existed at the time, at one point or other. When I was switched to a new ADHD med it tended to be raised til it was either maxed out for what could be prescribed for my size/age or raised till the side effects were too much and then backed off, rather than titrated to effect. I didn’t even get taken off the ADHD meds when I was “dangerously underweight” in middle school due to an unrelated chronic medical condition that at the time my pediatricians were still struggling to figure out.
what you’re describing sounds like a deeply confusing child/teenagehood.
Yes. Very much so.
It also didn’t help that I was raised to basically view disabilities as shameful and othering. I learned that I needed to do my best to hide as many of my issues as I could and to be deeply ashamed of my issues. To be clear, a lot of that was from merciless bullying that started in 3rd grade. My mom also would do things like chastising me for taking too long to tie me shoes and threatening to throw out my shoes and buy me Velcro shoes (which she threatened well into highschool , but never actually did). There were also many supports and help that I should have had, but didn’t for various reasons, including from trying to hide my issues as best as I could. No wonder I have been depressed since part way through elementary school and have been suicidal since middle school.
it sounds like you were kind of taught to feel helpless and doubt yourself
Yes, in many regards, especially from my Mom’s sister (this post is already way too long to cover her). I was also taught to do things for myself and to be rather capable in some some aspects though. My dad is very much of the view of letting someone do for themselves.
My apologies for the long rambling posting. I guess I just needed to vent. I worked about 12 hours today.
no don’t apologise, i know that even just writing things like that out makes the world and your mind make a bit more sense for a while. and if you don’t mind some virtual touch i’m sending you a virtual hug. i don’t know what to say what you probably haven’t thought to yourself already, but since i know the critic in your mind probably doesn’t let you hear this often then - you’re doing great, considering everything you’re doing great, keep going
I don’t think I would have been able to avoid any diagnosis as a kid. It was noticed that I was different in preschool (both by the preschool and others, including my parents). The school system flagged me as being different in kindergarten and in first grade started testing me and providing some special classes such as speech end classes on emotions. I also received OT later on in elementary school and had a Teacher’s aid assigned to me for a few years. I also don’t think I would have done well at all without extra supports, but I don’t think all of them were necessary or helpful and some, especially combined with being partly mainstreamed were more harmful, especially given that my main difficulties were with social interactions. My official diagnosis were not the only reason for my experience though. My brother shares my main two official diagnosis (ADHD and Dyslexia). My brother never had to ride a short bus and he attended the same schools as the neighbor kids throughout his schooling. It was also just assumed hat he would go to a 4 year university and he was assisted in applying schools and had is tuition, board, and living expenses all paid for by my parents for undergrad and grad school. I had to work part time while going to community college.
I have other diagnosis such as Dysgraphia and the public charter SPED school I was sent to for a couple years also “diagnosed” me with “Executive Functioning Disorder”, but there was always this understanding that there was more that was not officially diagnosed. I am honestly surprised that I didn’t get officially diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Condition such as Asperger’s or PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) as a child, nor was I ever tested. I started suspecting Asperger’s when I was in my early-mid teens and the last psychiatrist that I was taken to towards the end of highschool said that he thought I have Asperger’s and should be assessed, but my mom shot that down immediately. I brought it up to her another time and she said, “that’s ridiculous, you have no trouble talking”, which apart from the fact that that was specifically not a criteria for Asperger’s, I actually did have and still do have some trouble with speech to the point that I even had speech therapy as a kid.
I think of the main reasons I didn’t get an Autism type diagnosis is because at that time it was only Autism or ADHD, you could not officially have both. They seemed to want to try to medicate me to normalcy. I was put on every ADHD med that existed at the time, at one point or other. When I was switched to a new ADHD med it tended to be raised til it was either maxed out for what could be prescribed for my size/age or raised till the side effects were too much and then backed off, rather than titrated to effect. I didn’t even get taken off the ADHD meds when I was “dangerously underweight” in middle school due to an unrelated chronic medical condition that at the time my pediatricians were still struggling to figure out.
Yes. Very much so.
It also didn’t help that I was raised to basically view disabilities as shameful and othering. I learned that I needed to do my best to hide as many of my issues as I could and to be deeply ashamed of my issues. To be clear, a lot of that was from merciless bullying that started in 3rd grade. My mom also would do things like chastising me for taking too long to tie me shoes and threatening to throw out my shoes and buy me Velcro shoes (which she threatened well into highschool , but never actually did). There were also many supports and help that I should have had, but didn’t for various reasons, including from trying to hide my issues as best as I could. No wonder I have been depressed since part way through elementary school and have been suicidal since middle school.
Yes, in many regards, especially from my Mom’s sister (this post is already way too long to cover her). I was also taught to do things for myself and to be rather capable in some some aspects though. My dad is very much of the view of letting someone do for themselves.
My apologies for the long rambling posting. I guess I just needed to vent. I worked about 12 hours today.
no don’t apologise, i know that even just writing things like that out makes the world and your mind make a bit more sense for a while. and if you don’t mind some virtual touch i’m sending you a virtual hug. i don’t know what to say what you probably haven’t thought to yourself already, but since i know the critic in your mind probably doesn’t let you hear this often then - you’re doing great, considering everything you’re doing great, keep going